regrowth

The ‘monochrome leopard’ look

The familiar pattern has returned.

When I say pattern, I mean the loss and regrowth – but I could just as easily mean the holes on my head where hair should be. This time I have done something slightly different to deal with the oh-so familiar cycle of hair loss.

Covering up

Since mid 2018 – I’ve been hiding (hair loss) in plain sight. I’ve been using a spray and fibres to cover patches – which help me feel more comfortable in everyday life. Times such as:

going out somewhere
heading to work
standing in a queue
sitting in front of someone on the train

Times where you just want to blend in and deal without the paranoid feelings creeping in that people may be looking at your strange hair pattern.

Why did I do it?

I always thought I wouldn’t do this and ’embracing the bald’ was the way forward for me – this was also the reason I shaved all my hair off the first time. But this time, with experience – I knew that every time I shaved it – the bald patches would be really visible due to my dark hair regrowth – so I decided not to.

I only applied to the huge patch/Friar Tuck spot in the front of my head and (very occasionally) on the larger patches at the back of my head. Here’s the huge patch which has been growing and actually changing in size over 2018/19

August 2018

The middle patch in August 2018

The spot remained the same – and covering it helped me feel more confident and able to walk around without feeling like people were staring at the spot in the middle of my head.

June 2019

Still hanging around in 2019

As you can see – it didn’t budge in 2019. And it is still here in 2020! However it is slightly different this time – more on that later…

How I did it

If I wasn’t working, going out or heading off somewhere – I didn’t bother spraying anything at all. I feel comfortable with my family and friends seeing the patches – and if I needed to go out and couldn’t be bothered spraying – I could always wear a hat if I really wanted to.

I used a spray and fibres and it looks like this (This post is not sponsored and unfortunately I have paid for every item I have bought). Though I bought the ‘black’ version, not the dark brown ones as pictured.

If I was going somewhere or wanted to cover the patch then I:

styled my hair with wax
sprayed the black ‘disguise spray’ onto the bald patch
dropped some fibres over the area
finished with a fixing spray (strong hairspray)

– et voila. It seemed to work.

Here’s a video of the daily spray – it takes under a minute

How has it worked for me?

Well nobody has ever noticed the spray – or were too polite to say.

As far how I felt using it – most of the time, I was fine with it – unless I was:

under a mega bright light
already feeling low
caught in a sudden downpour of rain

And even when I was caught in the rain – it didn’t ever ‘run’ or stream down my face.

The times I felt uncomfortable were few and far between and it just allowed me to get shit done without obsessing about my hair – which lets be honest – I (and anyone else reading this) has probably done enough of over the years.

It allowed me to give my brain a break for very little effort.

I was sceptical at first and didn’t want to use it and have constantly been asking my partner and friends – is it time to shave it all off? And they keep saying ‘No’.

Abi and the eyebrows 🙂

But these were the same people who encouraged me to use that god awful eyebrow pencil and we all know how that turned out… WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?

So what’s happening now?

I’m posting now as I’m aware I have been consistently losing and gaining hair. I have been spraying and didn’t really want to give a depressing update to anyone that follows this looking for hope.

But a number of people have asked how I am doing and wanted an update and some of you who have now become friends keep saying “your hair looks fine in your pics on social media” so I thought it was time to come out with the truth.

I HAVE BEEN SPRAYING THE BALD AWAY

I am still using it when I feel like it – not everyday – though have been reaching a point over the past 6 months where I want to shave it all off again – as I feel like a fraud and just want to be more comfortable in my own skin.

This would then mean shaving my head everyday and I don’t know if I want to do that either.

2020 update

Here’s the big ‘Friar Tuck’ spot with white regrowth – at the end of January 2020

What’s Next?

I will continue to use the spray occasionally, until either the hole finally closes up or I get too pissed off and shave my head. Either way – I will try to update you in real time.

I have noticed that some of the hairs in the spots I was spraying are actually growing back – but white. I now have an ever increasing collection of white patches all over my head. Have a look:

Left

centre

Right

Now I can’t be too sure if this is just normal ageing and I’m getting grey. Or is this the non-pigmented hair coming back before it turns black again (which is what happened last time).

I also can’t be sure that the huge spot isn’t just a part of male pattern baldness at the age of 42 – but it is a very alopecia sized spot and there is grey hair growing back in there. so who bloody knows?!

Anyway – that is my very overdue update for 2020. I’m happy to carry on looking like a monochrome leopard – for now.

Photo by Adriaan Greyling from Pexels

Here we go AGAIN! :(

I’ve been reading through posts on this blog. This is my twentieth post since I started in February 2013. You couldn’t exactly call me prolific. Apologies my posts have been few and far between.

There seems to be a pattern to my subject matter (aside from patchy hair loss). One time I post about how bad my hair is falling out – then my next is about regrowth – then I talk about loss and the following focuses on regrowth. This endless cycle of growth and loss with an upbeat message hammered in at the end has been my signature.

You can view them all in order here.

So is this one about loss or growth?

In my last post – I was yakking on and on about regrowth. I am still having regrowth – especially my chin and facial hair BUT – I also have lots and lots of new patches which I’m not too pleased about. So I guess this actually fits the pattern.

My facial hair regrowth

I grew out my beard (or what there is) over Xmas 2017 when I visited Iceland. As you can see from the picture (taken in the Blue Lagoon) my ‘beard’ is multicoloured and I only have regrowth in certain parts. The white hairs on my chin have been white for 4 years.

White Beard at the Blue Lagoon!

The patches on my head continue to piss me off

I have been panicking since August 2017 that ‘my hair was going’ and I was convinced I would be bald again by the time I turned 40. Well I turned 40 in December 2017 but I still had hair – the Iceland picture was taken just after my birthday in December.

My hair has thinned out considerably and there are patches creeping around all over the place. I keep asking my partner – “Do I need to shave again??” and I’m reassured by him – “Not yet”. I asked my hairdresser recently, who told me to “relax”. This was two weeks ago – since then – the holes have increased and started to join up. Have a look at my current hairline and tell me not to worry…

my ever disappearing hairline – April 2nd 2018

Think positive or think real?

My previous train of thought was – if you think and expect something -(and then obsess over it) you invite it. This belief is stronger when your hair has regrown and isn’t falling out. It gets harder and harder when your hair does start falling out again. As mine is now.

I don’t want to be negative or get lost in a depression like I did when my hair first fell out as I know it grew back and it might again. It doesn’t help when I see hair everywhere – on my desk, pillow, the bath, my car seat – everywhere! I can hide the spots by styling but again – the wind, rain and freak weather is once again my enemy and part of me wants to just own this shit and shave my head.

I am trying to latch onto the fact that new holes appeared (then disappeared/my hair grew back) in January 2017 – as I detailed here. This current period of loss may magically grow in like it did then. BUT my brain keeps saying “No it won’t – look at yourself” and the negative feelings continue to rise.

Even my bloody eyebrow – as you can see in the first image – also has a patch missing. FFS!!!

Why now?

I’m in a really stressful moment in my life – I have gone part time at work – headed back to do a full time masters degree and am generally always really busy and stressed. This may be having an effect on my hair – or it may not – WHO EVEN KNOWS ANYMORE!

I am still taking the LDN, hair goop, vitamins and all the rest but at the moment at least – none of them seem to be working. Maybe it’s just my time to shed and this is always going to happen. It may just be that I am SHITE at managing stress and this is the result. I graduate in October and work is ramping down soon – so – as ever – I will keep you updated and let you know whether this is pure stress or the result of something else!

When am I going to blog next?

I will shortly be posting blog updates which have been written by a couple of people I have met through writing this blog. They are going to tell their story so you can see how they coped and what they went through.

And if I do ‘the big shave’ again – I will record it and upload to the site.

Speak soon

Reece

Regrowth, regrowth, regrowth

Yes you read it right from my triple title above – my hair is back – thicker and fuller that it’s been in ages. In my last post, I was heading in a downward spiral – in terms of mood and also hair loss – the dreaded patches were emerging again. Well – they’ve all gone from my head and I finally have 100% regrowth. I don’t have to avoid triple mirrors in dressing rooms anymore!

dressing room

Here’s how I maybe managed it

I’d love to say ‘it just happened’ and grew back like last time – but it never. The truth is I don’t know what’s helped the most as I’ve tried to make so many different positive steps.

I made a conscious effort not to head down the same sad, obsessive path I was on way back when this all started. Instead I took affirmative action. I may have started too many things – which is an issue as now I don’t know which (if any) are helping – so I’m carrying on with all of them – as long as my bank balance will allow.

Here’s a list of things I think may have contributed to the regrowth – in no particular order:

1. Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN)

I am still taking the LDN every night – 4.5 mg. I have never really had side effects – I talked about starting to use it here. This costs me £30 ish for every prescription.

2. A mystery potion from the Middle East

When I was in Australia in December 2016, I met someone who told me their regrowth was helped by using a lotion they bought over the internet from a Middle Eastern country. Immediately my thoughts turned to snake oil salesman and the charlatans that I was very critical of in an earlier post which focused on the treatments I’d tried.

Nevertheless I agreed to purchase said lotion – which is pretty expensive. The cost of the treatment is also the reason I’m not name-checking or linking to it here as I feel it’s not ethical to do so. I don’t really know if it honestly works and I don’t want anyone to get in debt because of me, then be upset if it doesn’t work.

If you really want to know the details please message me privately. Though I am in no way endorsing or supporting this product. It is one of the many things I have been doing.

You can private message me via the social media pages that I have created for this blog:

Even if you don’t want to message me – you might like to follow the social media pages anyway 🙂

I paid £400 for a three month supply of this lotion which I was instructed to rub into my scalp every night and wash off the next day. I honestly don’t know if it’s this that’s helping but I’m still rubbing it in every night like a drone anyway.

I have been doing this for around 3 months.

3. Yoga & relaxation

I have tried to make time for yoga as it allows me time to relax and get in tune with my body and mind at the same time. I’ve been practising Forrest Yoga with an amazing tutor in Edinburgh for a while now and it really helps me feel better at the end of a sweaty session!

15253635_10155560724244778_834846904936723561_n

Striking a yoga pose on my 39th birthday in Singapore – December 2016

It’s also really handy as it’s near my work. If any of you ever get the chance – swing by Leith Yoga studio for a class with Janet.

4. Therapy

I think as a result of the years of stressing about being stressed, worrying about hair loss and analysing my thoughts – I’m finally pretty in-tune with myself and tend to realise when my body and mind are stressed, manic and winding out of control.

I can usually feel tenseness in my body or hear the internal chatter building to a crescendo and either loosen up or quieten down to try and combat the feelings that used to spin me out of control.

To help with this – earlier in the year I started talking therapy. I have done this once previously – 6 sessions recommended by my doctor when my hair first started falling out. This time it’s different – I’m paying for this therapist and can talk about whatever I like.

It’s rare that we get a chance to openly talk about our lives and what has contributed to make us the people we are. From family to work and relationships – everything has an effect and impact on your current view of the world and yourself. I have found it really helpful to be able to discuss all of the above with my therapist. I am going to keep going in the future – but not as regular.

5. Vitamins

I’ve been gobbling a handful of pills every morning on top of the LDN. As I mentioned a few posts ago – the concotion I’m self-medicating with includes the following capsules:

Vitamin D
Turmeric
Vitamin C
Acidophilus

Hair Tonic

I’m still taking the Chinese medicine – in the form of a capsule with Phytofol -this herb is used to nourish the liver and replenish Kidney energy (Jing) to promote healthy hair follicle function.

So what’s next?

I’m too scared to stop using anything right now. I think I’ll wait until my ‘big birthday’ is over in December and wean myself off the LDN and mystery lotion. Am going to keep up the yoga, therapy and vitamins as they are fairly low cost compared to the other two.

I’m currently really happy – loving life and quite chilled out. As I’ve always said in this blog – I think my happiness and contentment is contributing towards my regrowth more than anything I’ve listed above – however:

my mood may not have been so happy had I not had regrowth
regrowth might not have happened had I not proactively taken all the steps above

I haven’t a clue what’s working but I stand by every decision I’ve made as at least I’m doing something and I’m so glad I don’t feel the need to obsess about falling hair at the moment.

I move house in September so we shall see if I can maintain this low stress lifestyle.

I’ll keep you posted.

Reece.

Hello Darkness, my old friend…The return of Alopecia and departure of hair (again).

No, this post isn’t an homage to Simon & Garfunkel, as lovely as they are. I’m merely borrowing lyrics to highlight my current mood. It’s getting darker – which is the inverse of my hair – which is getting lighter. By lighter I mean patchier. By patchier – I mean – the always lurking alopecia areata is making a comeback 😦

One year on

It’s been precisely a year since I started to grow my hair back in. I shouldn’t whine – I had a full head of regrowth for summer (no sweaty cap or burnt scalp for me) and for my sister’s wedding. In the back of my mind I always knew it would come back (or go – whichever way you look at it).

When people asked me or saw an old photo of me and were puzzled – I’d explain that I have Alopecia – not had. I would never trust them when they said “Really, I would never know”. Such is my paranoia when it comes my hair.

Paris, March 2016

Never really went away

I never had full regrowth, below is a list of the stuff that didn’t properly grow back when my luscious mane did:

My eyebrows never fully grew back to the Brooke Shields/Cara Delevigne caterpillars that they were – but at least I had some – even if it did look like I’d over-plucked
A patch on my chest and trunk – which started when my head hair came back.
I had one patch of (no) hair – above a newly returned grey spot which never came back in (see below)

What am I going to do this time?

You may remember last time I tried a few things? This time I don’t want to radically overhaul my diet (as I’ve been steadily eating healthier foods and upping my fitness levels for the past few months). I gave up smoking – in January and am drinking less alcohol than I ever have.

I seriously believe that my alopecia is either:

a cyclical thing – that I have no control over
it’s triggered by stress – which I do have control over
both

Point is, if I remove or react to stress better, it’s a win-win. I know how mini stressful episodes affect me – I get a racing mind, laboured breath and a tightness of muscle. Whether these mini episodes have contributed to my alopecia or not – I don’t want them. So…

This time, the only things I’m going to do are:

Try (and I do mean try really hard) to calm the f*ck down
Try not to stare at the ever increasing patches of pink skin
Remember to breathe – seriously, I’m making a conscious effort to take big long lung-bucket-fulls of breath – it’s not only good for the soul – focussing on my breath will stop my mind racing about impending baldness

I just need to remember that I’ve been through all this shit before. The ‘worst’ that can happen is actually more of an inconvenience – having to shave my head, facial hair and patchy eyebrows off on a daily basis. It isn’t life threatening and lots of people are going through much worse than me.

I’m away to snort some oxygen and (not) look at my hair in the mirror!

Me. November 2014

Well here I sit on the beach in Edinburgh with Kitty – my puppy. Almost a full head of hair (apart from a slow growing patch at the back and a few tiny wee holes dotted around).

Oh yeah and pretty much one and a half eyebrows and full set of eyelashes!

Photo update – my Alopecia and regrowth – 2.5 years on.

Howdy Blog watchers

I am so sorry for the delay in posting pictures. I have been pretty busy with the birth of our wee girls 7 Boston Terrier puppies. Check the cuties out here.

Back to the hair – enough puppy chat/excuses!

Here I am attempting to show you (in pictures) the spread, loss then regrowth of my hair over a 2.5 year period. My Alopecia started as little spots on my chin back in November 2011. I thought it was just Alopecia Barbae and was still distressed- then it gradually spread and I shaved my head in 2012- detailed here.

Where it all began – first ‘spotted’ in November 2011 and by the time it got this big – I was officially scared, depressed and stressed!! (March 2012):

Two spots of nothing.

Comic Hitler ‘tache

Chunk missing

The first image was taken in June 2012.

Once my facial hair began to disappear – so did my hair: The first spots appeared/ hair dissapeared in July 2012.

The big shave

So I shaved it all off on holiday in Spain in August 2012

Baldy Bald

And here is an above head shot from when I first shaved:

The solar system at the start

Is there any hope?

I started to notice thin white hairs growing back into my facial hair loss in September 2012

regrowth on my chin

September 2012 regrowth – Egypt

I was hoping that the blonde would go black straight away – it didn’t.

My hair kept disappearing, too: here is a peek from the front and top (both taken in October 2012).

From the front

From the top

October 2012

My right side

In the middle of my long alopecia episode

November 2012

Right side

Left side

My eyelashes and eyebrows started to disappear in November 2012.

Eyebrows up close

Disappearing caterpillar

The eyebrows were a low ebb – but the loss of my eyelashes are what made me feel more alien – literally. It is a strange sensation not having eyelashes. People gave me a second look as they couldn’t quite put their finger on ‘what wasn’t right’.

I have detailed in another post my experiences trying to hide my missing eyebrows.

In case you can’t be bothered reading that post and want to see what my pencilled-in efforts looked like:

Pencilled-in eyebrow as of November 2012

I tried a number of different ways to regrow my hair or at least hide the fact I had Alopecia, but found that a close shave (in the end) was best. At this point I was shaving my head daily and ignoring the ever-decreasing eyebrows and lashes.

My facial hair was also fast disappearing – again taken in November 2012.

My chin

From the side

December 2012

The patches started to spread quicker – which made my Christmas elf hat less itchy as there wasn’t as much stubble to aggravate it.

As you can see from the images below most of the holes started to join up with each other especially the two big ones at the left hand side! I hate those two bad boys.

My head from the back

The left hand side of my head

Happy New Year 2013

In 2013 it seemed to progress quicker. Here is the top of my head taken in January 2013.

February 2013

At this point I was still wearing beanie hats and pencilling in my missing chunks of eyebrow.

March 2013

This was when I started realising that my eyebrows were more or less drawn on and I saw a picture and realised it was time to get rid of them.

Abi and the eyebrows 🙂

As you can see, they looked fake and I hadn’t realised until I saw the image above. So in March 2013 I shaved them off in the shower whilst shaving my head.

The middle image above makes me look strange and if you look closely you can see that it is because my right eye has hardly any top eyelashes and the left eye does. Not a great look but now I looked bald and possibly blonde?! Just another balding fair haired guy? That is what I told myself and started to walk about without hats – in certain places anyway.

May 2013

Then the hair loss started to snowball and this was when I thought “F*ck it!”
My alopecia was getting worse and worse.
I had become resigned to it and pretty much everyone had seen it and knew what it was.
I still got the odd comment but brushed it off because (finally) I was in a stronger place and didn’t actually care as much as I did at the start.

Now that’s progress!

The images below are from July 2013. As you can see there is hardly any hair left at all.

These images represent the worst my Alopecia got (It seems strange saying that but I don’t want to jinx anything). Then I stopped taking photos as much of my head as I actually forgot about it!

Forgetting about it

Here I am forgetting about it at a wedding in Valencia in September 2013.

Guests at a Valencian wedding

I decided to forget and what happened a month later??? The bastard started coming back!!! Exactly two years since I noticed it going!!!!! My previous post was correct! And there is hope for all you people out there who got this late and are hoping yours may come back in this famed two year period!!!

November 2013 THE RETURN OF MY HAIR!

Whaddya know – it kept on growing through December. Merry Effing Christmas!!!!

2014 – The year of regrowth

The year started well for me.

Here I am in January…. More progress on my regrowth in my next post………

Kisses from Coco

Haaaaaappy Christmas

My hair is coming back.

My hair has slowly started growing back.

And I mean painfully. Slowly.

Creeping back into existence…

regrowth on my chin

I first noticed it coming back and blogged about it way back in May 2012.
The image to the right shows my face squished against a black bag under a bright light so you can see (if you look really really hard) that there are some hairs there!
But that was all it was – wee whitey/blonde hairs that needed to be shaved off my face everyday.

I just carried on and forgot about this.

THEN – all of a sudden. . . .

January 2014 – my partner (who takes all the pictures I share with you) said to me:

“Put your head down a second!”

After looking puzzled then twigging it was about my Alopecia (and therefore my vanity) I whipped my head down.

Arghhhh “It’s coming back! It’s coming back”!

Photographs

Naturally I wanted proof of this – here is an image from March 8 2013.

slowly slowly

And here is an image from January 2014

My head in January 2014

Woohoo – still a long way to go but I am getting there.

I hope that my regrowth has given some of you a glimmer of hope.

Speak to you all soon and please get in touch with any comments, queries and concerns.

Reece.