Well my hair is officially coming out again – after months of denial – I popped into H&M today and unfortunately caught the three way view of the back, front and side of my head.

It’s looking holey, threadbare and generally a bit shit. Here are some photos taken this week:

Patch at the front – January 2017

Back of the head January 2017

Back of the heed January 2017

I’ve still got a way to go before it gets as bad as it did the first time but a small part of my brain can’t stop worrying that THIS is going to happen again:

My hair when I first shaved it off back in 2012 – look those eyebrows! Strong eyebrow game.

2012 – Patchy McPatcherson

Where else am I shedding?

My chest has a few patches  – though there is a lot of white hair growing back in each patch.

Is there any regrowth?

I think so -there are the white hairs mentioned above and  my moustache seems to be filling out – but I’ve thought that for a while now. I don’t actually  know. I will need to compare old and new pics and look a little closer.

Trying to keep my shit together

Being a natural pessimist and a bit of a worrier – my inner voice keeps repeating  the following type of statements on a nasty, insidious loop:

• It’s all coming out AGAIN

• It’s going to happen the same as last time

• I’m going to have to wear hats all the time again

• I wonder if it’s because I’m stressed

• Why am I so stressed? If I wasn’t so stressed my hair might grow back

It’s pretty annoying to say the least but I am trying to be mindful and relax. I know from past experience that worrying, freaking out and being sad does NOTHING to improve mood, regrow hair or make you a nice person to be around.

It’s hard to maintain a chipper outlook when you wake up and your pillow looks like a barbershop floor or you’re stood in front of a stranger and wondering if they’re staring at your hair.

What am I doing differently?

I’m not taking any anti depressants or smoking cigarettes anymore. Though that annoying inner voice keeps reminding me – Your hair came back when you started smoking again last time.

I’m taking a drug as explained in my last post – called Low Dose Naltrexone (LDN). I have been taking it since 5 November 2016 and so far – NOTHING. I am paying for a private prescription and my hair seems to be getting worse. Apparently it takes a while to kick in. I’m giving it 6 months and then knocking it on the head – pun intended.

I’ve started wolfing down vitamins like they’re haribo – I’m currently taking:

• Vitamin D
• Turmeric
• Vitamin C
• Acidophilus

I am also taking Chinese medicine – in the form of a capsule with Phytofol – this herb is used to nourish the liver and replenish Kidney energy (Jing) to promote healthy hair follicle function.

Hair Tonic

This Chinese medicine was given to me as a present on my recent holiday to Australia. I met up with a fellow AA sufferer – Johannes, who has been following my blog for a few years. We met up for dinner and drinks when I was in Melbourne in December. We chatted about lots – including AA coping strategies and different things we have tried to regrow hair.

Me and Johannes

Johannes advice

It was amazing for me to meet Johannes. he was a very positive person and someone who I am glad now to call my friend. He gave me this piece of sage advice -which I am trying to reflect on whenever I get down:

Remember, yes AA while not life threatening, is certainly life altering but you are not your hair, my friend – You are so much more, and hair while of course aesthetically nice does not define you.